Why You Never give deamons soda
by Stuckintexas
Summary: Kagome has her own special "Soda" and when she shares it it has outrageous results. Wait till she meets Harry Potter.
1. Default Chapter

Why You Never Give Demons Soda

I don't own the Inu-Yasha characters so please don't sue me or anything. If you did you wouldn't get very much.

Kag Kagome Kik Kikyo Ses Sessho-Maru Nak Naraku Inu Inu-Yasha Shi Shippo Yur Yura of the Hair Mir Miroku San Sango

Kag- Hey everyone have some soda!

Everyone- Okay.

Later-

Ses- (sings) I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream...

Inu- (bouncing up and down) I am crazy some one help me. Help me please.

Nak- (walks over to Sessho-Maru) Would you like to help me to save the world from chaos?

Ses- Do I know you from a dream?

Nak- No I am your mother's, uncle's, father's, best friend's, neighbor's, dog's, best friend's, owner's, ex-husband's, gild friend's, old boy friend!

Ses- What does that make me to you?

Nak- Absolutely nothing, or your other half brother on your father's side.

Inu- Don't tell me I am related to you.

Ses- How many brothers do I have?

Yur- I love your hair can I take it.

Ses- Ahh mother I thought you were dead.

Mir- Your delusional she is not your mother.

Inu- I have too much sugar in my system. (Bounces up and down saying this.)

Yur- I can't believe that you that you were so mean to your younger brother. Eat you greens.

Ses- No not Broccoli that stuff is poisonous!

Inu- (Stumbles around like he is drunk.) What's in this stuff? (Passes out and begins to snore)  
Kag- Inu-Yasha wake up. (Nothing happens.) Oh well he is out cold.

Ses and Nak- (Swaying from side to side.) Take me out to the ball game...

Mir- What's wrong with them?

Kag- It's the soda.

Mir- Oh.

Ses- We both look like girls and are acting drunk so lets cross dress and go into town Naraku!

Nak- Okay we cam use Kagome's makeup.

Ses- We will have to tie her up first.

Nak- Lets tie up the rest of the humans also. (Ties the humans up.)

Shi- What will the people think?

Ses- What?

Shi- (Passes out.)

Nak- Look make up, hair ties, and dresses!

Ses- Lets go. Later when they are dressed up.

Ses- Lets hit the streets. (They leave.)

Kik- Does anyone have a knife?

Kag- Inu-Yasha wake up! (Still sleeps.)

Mir- Face it he is out cold.

San- Never give them soda again!

In the town.-

Ses- Do you think that they will fall for it?

Nak- I wonder. Random man- Hey there hot stuff. (Slaps Sessho-Maru on the butt.)

Ses- Poison Claws! (Man dies) He deserved it.

Nak- He must have been pretty messed up to think that you were attractive.

Ses- Shut up.

Back at the house.-

Ses- (Stumbles in.) We all live in a rotten tangerine!

Nak- (Stumbles in.) You killed the rabbit how could you!

Ses- The rotten tangerine! (Passes out.)

Nak- Who cares about the rotten tangerine. (Passes out.)

Kag- Who is willing to chew through the rope?

The next morning.-

Inu- (Wakes up.) What did I drink last night? I hope I didn't do anything stupid. (Shudders as he remembers a time when he had gotten blind drunk.)

Kag- Inu-Yasha untie us!

Inu- Huh? Why did you tie yourselves up and why are Sessho-Maru and Naraku dressed like girls?

Kag-Sit!

Inu- Well I'm not helping you now.

Kag- Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!

Kik- Good job you knocked him out.

Kag- Sorry.


	2. Harry Potter and the Magical Soda

Harry Potter and the Magical Soda

I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters and I am just using the  
characters in my story so please don't sue me.

Harry Har Hermione Her Voldermort Vol Hagrid Hag Aragog Ara Malfoy Mal

Har- Lets get Hermione and go to the forbidden forest.

Ron- Okay.

Her- Lets go!

Later in the forest-:

(They here noises.)

Inu- (Slashing through plants with his sword that I have no hope of spelling the name of or H.S.T.I.H.N.H.O.S.T.N.O.) Where are you Kagome? I told you not to run off with freakish and evil looking man who was talking to snakes.

Kag- Help me. (They all walk into the clearing where Harry and the others are.)

Har- Ahh my scar! (Falls to the ground in pain.)

Vol- Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I have escaped from Dr. Melbrick and have come to get you! (Doctor Phillbrick is from The Cindy and Buggy Show another story.)

Kag- Anyone want me special soda?

Everyone including Miroku, Sango, Malfoy, Kikyo, Sessho-Maru, and Naraku who have appeared out of nowhere- Sure!

Later-

Inu- (Sings.) I love little yellow flowers! Yes I do!

Nak- I would love a long braid down my back. It would be so pretty.

Ses- (Takes out C.D. player and stereo and starts to sing along to the barney song.)

Har- Ahh my scar! (Rolls around on the ground with pain.)

Vol- (Goes over to Harry.) There, there it will be all right.

Ron- Hermione lets go we can ditch them.

Her- Good idea. (They leave.)

Kag- Calm down Harry have some painkillers.

Ses- Lets tie up the non-hyper people!

Nak- Good idea lets go! (They tie up the regular people.)

San- I brought my pocketknife!

Ses- I'll take that! San- Hey that's mine!

Mal- (Walks up to Sessho-Maru.) You are pretty, why haven't I seen you before?

Ses- Why does everyone think I'm a girl? Poison Claws! (Malfoy dies.)

Vol- Why are you screaming?

Har- Ahh my scar!

Inu- I am a chicken, bark.

Kag- Untie us!

Ses- No.

Nak- What should we do to them?

Ses- Feed them to Aragog! (Ron and Hermione walk in.) Gat them too!

Nak- I'll go get Aragog. (Leaves.)

Ron- Not him. (Turns pale and faints.)

Her- I thought you were brave!

Har- Ahh, my scar.

Vol- I'll give you a hug to make you feel better. (Hugs Harry.)

Her- Harry help us.

Har- I can't I'm paralyzed with pain. I can't help you.

Ses- I better tie up the people who I don't want eaten so they are out of the way.

Cindy- I thought that I was on the way to the Cindy and Buggy show studio. Hey soda! (Drinks five cans.) Why am I hyper?

Ses- (Ties up Harry, Cindy, Inu-Yasha, Shippo, and Voldermort.) I better pit you on this high branch so you don't get eaten. (Ties them to a high branch.)

Nak- Aragog and his children are going to be here in a minute.

(Narrator appears out of nowhere.)

Narrator- Is this the end for our heroes? Will Aragog eat them all? (Sessho- Maru ties him up next to Hermione.

Ron- Help I dropped my wand.

Her- What do we do now?

Ron- You are a witch and your wand is in your hand, connect the dots.

Her- Oh yeah. (Gets out wand and does a cutting spell.) We're free!

Nak- The spiders are here.

(Hagrid walks in.)

Hagrid- How many times have I told to not to eat people?

Ara- Sorry. (Leaves.)

Hag- Now play nicely. (Leaves.)

Ron- (Looks up at people tied to tree branch.) They are asleep what did you put in the Soda kagome?

Kag- Extra Caffeine, sleeping pills and a memory erasing agent.

(A sweet smell fills the air and they all fall to sleep.)

Lucius Malfoy- I love my new sleeping smoke. I got this job from The Daily Prophet.

(Next Morning)

Cindy- Help we are tied to tree.

(Everyone on the ground is asleep.)

Inu- Help!

Shippo- Some body get us down.

Har- Ahh, my scar!

Vol- Now you will die Potter. (Searches for wand.) Damn I dropped my wand.

Her- (rolls eyes) Brilliant, maybe if we wait here some one will find us eventually.

Ron- Hermione, I love you

Her- This is going to be a long day.


	3. Soda's of the Carribean

I finally updated the story. I hope you like it.

Please read note at end.

I hope to type up the other installments of this series that are still on notebook paper and only my friends at school have read.

Please read note at bottom.

Prologue:

On their journey Inu-Yasha and the gang have encountered many news foes in soda fics so awful I need massive persuasion to post them. The only import thing that happened was that Kagome was assigned a parole officer called Bob to try and limit her soda fueled exploits because the soda contains mostly things found and a black market so black most hardened criminals have to be half drunk to buy from it.

And so our adventure continues with the story most read by the choir at my school beaten only by the Mars series...

Soda's of the Caribbean

Curse of the Black Soda

Capitan Jack Sparrow, Will turner and Elizabeth Swan are sailing on a ship when they find Inu-Yasha and his gang floating in a boat. They help them aboard and then are attacked by Captain Barbosa and his crew of zombie pirates. Barbosa has also picked up Naraku and Sesshomaru. Barbosa maroons them on an island where he previously marooned Jack.

"What do we do now?" asked Inu-Yasha. Jack walks off.

"We must find a way to escape," said Elizabeth.

"Don't worry," said Will looking deeply into Elizabeth's eyes, "I will protect you." Jack walks back heavily laden with bottles.

"Look everyone, I've got rum," Jack said happily.

"And I have soda!" added Kagome.

"Kagome, I thought I told you to get rid of that soda," said Bob.

"Well I didn't listen. Let's mix it!"

They mix the soda and everyone except Elizabeth and Bob start drinking.

"Damn this is good stuff, do I detect a hint of opium, a dash of crack, a sprinkle of pot, and some incredible rare and powerful hallucinogen?" asked Jack.

"I can't tell you all my secrets, can I?" said Kagome half drunk. Inu-Yasha is jumping up and down singing "Play the Funky Music, White Boy".

"Have a drink," said Will putting his arm around Elizabeth. She takes a sip and then she drains the bottle.

"This is good," she replies. They look at the moon for a bit.

"You are beautiful," said Will looking deep into her eyes. They kiss and start making out but everyone else is too drunk to care except for Bob who is tending the fire and trying to sneak some soda.

He reaches for a bottle but Jack is too quick for him.

"I'll be having that, mate," Jack says before taking a sip. Bob sits there sulking. Inu-Yasha falls flat on his face and starts snoring.

Every one (except Bob) is now so drunk they can't make sense of anything. Naraku and Sesshomaru have their arms around each other and are giggling madly. Will and Elizabeth are in the same state they were before because they have been too busy smooching to drink ant more.

"This is good stuff," says Jack as his puts his arm around Kagome. Kagome goes into a fit of giggles.

"I see dead people," says Miroku clinging to Sango.

"What ever," says Sango before passing out into Miroku's arms.

"I say," says Jack swaying in a peculiar fashion, "what a lovely couple. You two lady's make a unique couple but romance is romance."

Sesshomaru and Naraku look up and sigh.

"I am not lesbian, I'm gay," explained Sesshomaru

"And I swing both ways," added Naraku. "Besides, who can resist this stud?"

Kagome breaks out into even more giggles.

At this Shippo appears by Kagome's shoulder.

"Are you drunk Kagome?" asked Shippo.

"I'm blind drunk!" yelled Kagome before having another fit of giggles. Jack took a long swig and pulled Kagome closer.

"What did you put in this," he asked, "I swear I am high."

"I'm not sure," replied Kagome, "I secretly bought a plant that processed everything from anti-depressants to dugs and experimental chemicals. I just put a little bit of everything in it."

Just then Anna appeared and walked over to Bob.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I have suddenly appeared here for no reason. What's going on?"

"What is going on?"

"They mixed soda with rum and it is doing them no good."

"It's pretty boring sitting her and watching them get drunk."

"Are you going to help me confiscate the stuff?"

"Hall no, it is a lot more fun to get drunk with them." Anna sat down next to Jack and drained one of the bottles. Jack looked over.

"See all the ladies love me," he said, "come a bit closer love."

"I wouldn't talk to me like that until I am fully intoxicated," replied Anna, "it could be bad for your health." She drained another bottle.

Suddenly a priest fell from the sky. Naraku and Sesshomaru walked up to him.

"We would like to get married, do you do marriages?" asked Sesshomaru.

The priest spied all the guns and swords lying on the beach.

"Yes...I believe I do," he replied.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband," finished the priest. "You may now kiss the husband."

The other including Will and Elizabeth stumbled over. (Bob was off somewhere trying to drown himself).

"We want to get married too!" said everyone else.

Everyone gets married. Jack marries both Kagome and Anna (the full effects of the soda have now taken hold on her), Miroku has married the unconscious Sango, Shippo marries and attractive rock, and Will and Elizabeth get married before going back to smooching.

Jack, Kagome and Anna stumble down the beach and Kagome passes out.

Jack is busy yelling "Weddings, I love weddings, drinks all around!". He passes out after he has yelled this five times and Anna soon does the same.

Miroku passes out carrying the unconscious Sango and Shippo falls asleep next to his rock. Sesshomaru and Naraku walk off together for a nice moonlit stroll.

Half and hour later Bob comes back screaming of the hell he has seen in attempting suicide to the priest knocks him out out of mercy. The priest then goes of to pray for forgiveness and deliverance from this island.

Inu-Yasha awoke the new morning to the smell of smoke and the sound of Sango trying to kill Miroku and his cries of "Please not when I have a hangover already!"

"Why am I wearing a wedding ring?" asked Kagome looking at her hands.

"Hey, everyone I smell smoke," yelled Inu-Yasha. They all run over to where the smoke is coming from. They find Bob throwing everything on a giant bomb fire.

"What are you doing?" they yell.

"Making a smoke signal," replied Bob.

"Yes, but why is the rum gone?" asked Jack on the border of panic.

"Because it is a vile drink and you all wouldn't stop drinking it. It also had drugs in it."

"Yes but why burn it?"

"It's the law!"

Everyone walks off in a bad mood and awful hangovers.

The British fleet has just arrived and has just come ashore. Captain Norrington walks up to them.

"Captain Jack Sparrow you are under arrest, come with me," says Norrington.

"I'm sorry but I can't let you take him," says Kagome, "we have an appointment at the divorce court."

"You married him," Inu-Yasha gasped, "Why?"

"Because I was drunk and high and a priest came along. You missed your brother's wedding by the way."

"Who did he marry?"

"Naraku."

"No surprises there."

"Fine then," said Captain Norringtion, "we will take you all by force and hang you as pirates and for kidnapping Ms. Swan."

"It's Mrs. Turner now," said Elizabeth, "Will and I got married."

"But, but, but you were supposed to marry Norrington," stammered Mr. Swan.

"Too bad, I fancy Will and we got married last night."

"Yeah, we are happily planning our honeymoon and they didn't kidnap Elizabeth, Barbosa did."

"Well come home then," said Mr. Swan. Elizabeth, Will, and Mr. Swan get on the boat to wait for Norrington.

"Men arrest them all!" he yelled.

"Off to divorce court, but how do we get there?" asked Kagome.

"What would Jesus do?" asked Jack.

"Walk across the water into the future," replied Anna.

"Off to divorce court!" yelled Sango. They all linked arms and walked across the water singing.

Their song (make up your own tune):

[note: means spoken and () maens actiom]

All: Were off to the divorce court

The wonderful court of divorce

We heard you get to go on TV

And break up publicly

We hate who we are married to

Naraku: Except for me and Sesshomaru

All: So we want to save ourselves

And not be miserable

Kagome: If they need a reason for me to divorce Jackson

Jack: It is Jack Sparrow you are mistaken

Kagome: Then I'll commit adultery

With Inu-Yasha he he he

Anna: Gross, Vile, Yuck

Inu-Yasha: Oh grow up. (Gets punched in the arm by Anna)

What was that for?

Anna: Nothing, I just wanted to hit someone

All: We are walking north

To the land of the free

Miroku: I've always wanted to watch MTV

I would very much like to see the shows

Where women where skimpy clothes

Sango: Miroku you are such a perv

I can't believe you have the nerve

To do what you do best

Be afraid of an empty nest

Jack: Yo ho yo all for one for rum

Came be here and came be queer

And we'll treat you like a son

Because we all part of a noble brother hood

'cause when you are a professional pirate

You always bet stabbed in the back

Inu-Yasha: Oh I wish I were a full demon

Then everyone would be terrified of me

Oh I wish I were a full demon

Then everyone would be terrified of me

I would rip and tear my enemies apart

And I would break peoples hearts

And send that %#%& Kikyo

To hell where she can burn

Sesshomaru: I, I will survive

As long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my love to give

And I have all my life to live

So I

I will survive

So go

Walk out the door

I have all my life to live

I don't need you any more

Naraku: I love you

You love me

Let's get together and kill Barney

This song can in many different ways

Aren't you glad it is day?

All: Yes we are insane

We don't have much of a brain left

If Kagome had put in ecstasy

Then we would all be dead

So now we are in 2004

And in the studio of divorce court

So this is the end of the random song

They arrive at divorce court and they all get divorced and jack goes back in time and he, Will, and Elizabeth become pirates aboard the Black Pearl which is renamed the Black Soda.

Author's Note:

Anna is not a Mary Sue for those of you that were wondering. She is a character in a story that I wrote and I am beginning to post of under the same screen name that I use on here (Stuckintexas). It is the only story I have posted on that site and it is called Troubled Kingdom.

The reason it takes me forever to update anything id because I am a slow typer and I don't have that much free time.

Please R&R

All types of reviews are welcome.


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